The book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray, says that men and women cannot help being different in language and thinking because men are Martians and women are Venusians. Men and women have no remedy but to fight despite loving each other. If they overcome differences or understand each other, fighting is reduced. A Martian man considers ability, efficiency and achievement to be important. A Venusian woman considers love, closeness and conversation to be important. Accordingly, men are satisfied when they achieve purpose, and women are satisfied when they share their feelings.
Most women have questions for men. The women regard questions as conversation methods. However, the men regard questions as means to request information. Questioning to men is interference, while questioning to women is expressing closeness and interest. Secondly, women react with words like “yes, so what?” to show they are listening. But men interpret this as agreement. Therefore, men feel betrayed if women disagree. On the other hand, women feel ignored if men do not respond.
Thirdly, men tend to interrupt conversations and say negative things strongly. Women get upset at getting cut off because women think the interruption is an attack on them. For men, this is just normal conversation. Fourthly, women use words like “you” and “we” often because this makes them a good listener, and creates a sense of belonging. However, men tend to state truths and opinions, making wives rage at the authoritarian words. Women do not understand that these words are just men’s way of speaking, rather than a sense of superiority.
Lastly, women talk about their experiences to relieve the other party when problems happen. However, men would rather find quick solutions than discuss.
John Gray said that when women and men accept and respect each other’s differences, then love has a chance of blooming. Keep in mind this difference. Understanding men and women and making them happy is the best way to real love.
Jeong Eun-su -
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