I must write quickly, because I don’t know how much time I have left. If I am unable to complete this brief essay before my time is up, I leave it to others to carry on for me. How did I end up in this crisis, writing an essay just to avoid thinking about approaching Death? It happened like this.

It is Thursday evening. I have been very busy this week, so I have left my essay a little late. The newspaper is finalized for publication on Friday, so all the articles and essays should be finished by Thursday evening. That’s why I am sitting in a quiet room at the university, writing this essay on my laptop, rather than sitting at home watching a movie.

As I said, I have been very busy this week. I am very tired. In order to stay awake and get some energy for my writing, I ran over to the convenience store in Building 21 and bought a can of Pepsi. I hoped the bubbles, sugar and caffeine would keep me going for an hour or so.

I arrived back in my little room, sat down at my computer, and opened my Pepsi. “Here comes refreshment,” I thought happily as I raised the can and took a big drink.

“Whoa!” It tasted awful. It had no carbonation, and was not sweet. In the past, I have occasionally had a can of cola that was not very good, so I was disappointed but not shocked. In fact, like an idiot I took one more small drink just to make sure it was really bad, and not just my imagination. It wasn’t my imagination.

I looked into the can. It looked strange in there. I went to the nearest washroom and started pouring the Pepsi into the sink. Along with the liquid, some small black chunks came out of the can. Oh my god! What have I been drinking? I took the rest of the can to my office and poured it into a paper cup. This time, a large brown blob came out. Suddenly, I felt a little sick. I immediately took the disgusting can back to the convenience store and showed it to the lady at the counter. She was upset and embarrassed. She gave me a new Pepsi—not exactly what I wanted at that moment, but it was kind of her.

So now I am sitting at my computer again, wondering what kind of poison I just drank, and waiting to die. I have been drinking too much cola and coffee recently. Maybe this was God’s way of punishing me. It seems harsh to be killed for drinking too much cola and coffee. Maybe I have committed some other terrible sin, and my cola and coffee intake was just God’s excuse for punishing me with poison Pepsi, rather than with a falling piano, or a lion attack. Maybe striking me down with a meaningless little sugar drink is God’s way of laughing at me. Perhaps He wants me to feel small and insignificant, so He has given me a ridiculous death, rather than a glorious or noble one. Even worse, maybe there is no God, and I am alone in the universe with The Pepsi Blob.

While writing this, I have been drinking the new Pepsi the convenience store lady gave me. It was refreshing.

by Daren Jonescu

Daren Jonescu  -

<저작권자 © The Campus Journal, 무단 전재 및 재배포 금지>