UPDATE : 2019.12.5 Thu 23:42
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The ten best ways to quit smoking

In this week’s newspaper you can read Park Ji-Min’s article describing some Smart Phone applications designed to help smokers quit their terrible habit. From that article, we learn how one of the most common problems of modern life, cigarette addiction, can be overcome with the help of some amazing modern technology. To continue the kind of innovative thinking found in those Smart Phone applications, I would like to contribute a few more ways that technology can help. So here are my ‘10 ways to quit smoking.’

1. Build a time machine, and transport yourself to a time before cigarettes were invented.

2. Develop a chemical that explodes when it touches tobacco, and rub this chemical on your lips every morning.

3. Build a giant robot that eats cigarettes, and program it to go all around the world eating every cigarette. (To make the robot most effective, you should also program it to kill anyone who tries to take away any of its cigarettes.)

4. Buy a rocket from NASA and fly to the moon, where there are no cigarettes. (Remember to fill the rocket with only enough fuel for a one-way trip. That way, you can’t come back to Earth when you suddenly desire a cigarette.)

5. Design a car with doors that can only be opened once, and then get in the car and close the doors. (Don’t bring cigarettes into the car with you.)

6. Pass a law that requires all cigarettes to be manufactured with an anti-gravity device. When they float up into the air, you won’t be able to reach them.

7. Connect yourself to an anti-gravity device. When you float up into the air, you won’t be able to come down for your cigarettes.

8. Buy a NASA rocket, and fly directly into a black hole. You will arrive in another universe completely different from this one. Of course, there is a very small chance the other universe will have cigarettes, but probably not. And there is almost no possibility that the other universe will have both cigarettes AND oxygen, so even if it has cigarettes, you will die before you can smoke one.

9. Get on an airplane, take off, and never land. (It is illegal to smoke on an airplane.)

And finally, if none of these methods are successful, you can try this one:

10. Mix your DNA with a fish’s, so that you can develop gills and fins, and live in the sea. Then you will never be able to smoke, because you can’t light a cigarette under water.

And don’t be afraid to try two or more of these methods at the same time. Smoking is a terrible habit, and you should be willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this addiction. Just remember, when it comes to quitting smoking, technology is our friend.

by Daren Jonescu

Daren Jonescu  -

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