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Helicopter Parents, Trophy Kids

In a recent article, I have shared my insights on extreme Korean parents. In this article, I¡¯d like to talk about a particular type of parent and the kids that they raise—helicopter parents and trophy kids.

A helicopter parent is a parent that ¡°hovers¡± over his or her child, just like a helicopter. This type of parent likes to be involved in all the aspects of the child¡¯s life, and pays very close attention to the child¡¯s education. Helicopter parents hover closely overhead, whether their children need them or not. It is quite easy to see them here in Korea. There are parents, moms in particular, who attend every parent-teacher meeting, arrange their children¡¯s daily schedules and plan how the children spend their vacation-- in academies or leadership camps, of course! There are those who hire professionals as consultants to help their children¡¯s college application processes. In extreme cases, there are some parents who decide what their children should eat and wear, and choose what kind of friends they should hang out with. They have very high expectations and protect their children from frustration and disappointment. When their children do well, they parade their achievements and brag about their success incessantly. For them, the children¡¯s success is the parents¡¯ success, too.

What then, is a trophy kid? A trophy kid is defined as a child whose achievements are used by the parents to impress other people. Trophy kids are super achievers--winning speech contests and science and math competitions. They devote their time into studying and plan their Ivy League futures obsessively. They learn from a very young age that winning is all that matters. They know how to stifle their own desires and hide the authentic self to become the shiny, attractive trophy child that the parents are oh-so-proud of. Their parents are devoted to them, acting like their servants and catering to their every wish. They think they are at the center of the universe, and their parents¡¯ world revolves around them. They always win, and when they lose, they lack the coping skills to deal with frustration and failure.

Experts agree that ¡°overparenting¡± is an ineffective method of parenting. The problem arises when the parent sees the child as an extension of himself or herself. The child¡¯s achievements become the measure of good parenting. People today are so obsessed with achievement and push for perfection that the bar is set too high, and if the child does not meet the unrealistic expectations, he is doomed to failure. Helicopter parents run the risk of raising trophy kids who are confused and unhappy. While it is true that parents only have good intentions and want the best for their children, they have to remember that children are actually children. Let them skin their knees and scratch their elbows. Children have to learn that it is okay to lose, and that sometimes, life sucks. Life is about trying and developing, falling and then picking yourself back up. No matter what happens, you will always gain something—experience. As the old adage goes, ¡°It¡¯s not about winning or losing, it¡¯s how you play the game.¡±

by Cecile Hwang

Language Education Center

Cecile Hwang  -

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